thehighlanderspoems

The Sheepish Dog

Always at the end of his jokes
She heads off to visit her folks
Being a blonde is no fun
So off she does run
For sometime away from her bloke

So into the country she heads
This blonde who is now a brunette 
But on the road she does meet
A woolly flock off nice sheep
As she slams on the anchors in sweat

To the shepherd she offers to ask
How many you have is my task
If I guess it dead right
I take one home tonight
As she hopes to lose this blonde mask

She counts as she guesses bang on
There is one hundred and seventy one
Slowly looking around
She takes the one sitting down
Feeling shes on a home run

Now the shepherds been left so agog
Amazed at this brunette road hog
Her shade of hair he has guessed
Birth blonde you are blessed
It's not a sheep you have, it's my dog 

Full Moon Fever

At the bus stop appeared a large crowd
They were cheering and clapping out loud
      Admiring a blond in her room
      Whilst she mooned in full bloom
Then she turned round all excited and proud

It's Just a Boat

There once was a boat made of wood
And named after his wife as it should
     But the name was so harsh
     When he called it fat arse
Oh why are men so misunderstood 

Poetry Soup Beauty

Ooo a blog to do my duty
To vote for the Poetry Soup Beauty ~~~
     I must not sit on the fence
     Or deep splinters I sense
I'll watch the winners shaking their booty ~~~ 

Waist Deep in Rock

I'm a man of musical taste
With Classic Rock I'm very well placed
     It's just the thrill of it all
     Guitar solo's enthral
But the Brandy plays havoc with my waist

The Wife and Him

Below the ground is the devil
Who just wouldn't stay on the level
    All he created was strife
    Then he met up with the wife
I now call them Evil Connivelled

Us

Where once a neanderthal man stood
And evolution did what it could
        If it could turn back the time
        In it's evolutionary climb
Honestly, have we turned out for the good
        

Soup Troop Scoop, I'm Cock a Hoop

When I write a blog on the Soup
They are rarely read by it's troop
Likes the ones posted today
So many have said there say
If they were mine I'd be so cock a hoop

Strut the Butt Jabba

On Halloween night I will strut
Dressed like Jabba the Hut
     Many sweets I will eat
     As it is trick or treat
And double the size of my butt 

Server Error in '/' Application

To join we are obliged to serve
And give you the service you deserve
    Your damn right it's a pain
    In this server world domain
No explanation's a bodily swerve

Balloon Boy

There was once an inflatable school
With a blown up boy as a fool
     Then one day he came in
     With a packet of pins
This ass was more like a mule

Around the playground he simply deflated
His bad antics left him elated
     The headmaster had seen
     This blown up boy being so mean
His anger was so underrated

To the headmasters room he was called
Knowing well he's in for a fall
     You have let everybody down
     Balloon boy your a clown
Disgusted, I'm darned well appalled

From Mouse to Spouse

Through the window I looked one day
At a poor lassie in troubled display
She stood high on a chair
In such a terrified stare
Shouting "Oh! please, please go away"

I needed to view this even more
Running round I looked in the door
So afraid in her house
Of a little door-mouse
Sweat was running from her pores 

So being the gentleman that I am
To get this damsel out of this jam
I said "Hey! fury dude
Please don't be so rude
For your scaring this poor little madam"

So I gently picked up the door-mouse
And kindly removed from her house
Her tears turned to joy
Throwing her arms round this boy
Not long after, she became my spouse

Early Morning Warning

There once was this lady I was desiring
On meeting she became so damn tiring
She kept me up all night
Fatigued I took fright
I hope it was blanks I was firing
 

Valentine Pay Day

What's with this February day
That makes people blow all of their pay
Whether female or males
It's just commercialised sales
When it can be saved for a rainy day
 

Some you win, Some you don't

Poetry contests we enter with zest
And hopefully write to our best
Sometimes we don't win
So our re-writing begins
Some poets, just over protest

 

Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow

One day I was sitting in a field
Ogling at my afternoons yield
When across the road I seen
A lovely meadow so green
Cars don't see fur as a shield    

Running Taxes

Many returns are sent by faxes
Declaring our earnings for taxes
When they don't work it out
Please give me a shout
Next time I'll send them some laxatives 

The Plant

A request by a poet to write
About a pic she sent me tonight
I don't know what it is
Give me a clue, gee whiz
If I write, will it turn out alright

Picking Shoes Blues

Mm, A limerick to write about shoes
Now which ones can I choose
Imelda Marcos I'll call
Now my backs to the wall
I've got the picking shoes blues 

My Favourite Tits

The lovely thing about chickadees
For this Highlander they so easy please
They can be great, blue or green
For they just have to be seen
I bet you thought this was about sleaze

 

Hickey Dickey

I knew of a guy called Dickey
Whose life became rather tricky
When he kissed the girls
They left pretty burls
Never showing us his hidden hickeys
 

Ricky the Raccoon

Did you hear about Ricky the Raccoon
Who found a cat who had swooned
He returned it back home
In case, dazed it did roam
His reward, a night on the toon